Things I have learned about the Process of Grief

I found that I had more fear and anxiety when I was resisting grieving. Generally, now – even 4 years later, I let myself grieve as I told you for a couple times a day.  What I find interesting is that when I’m feeling anxious, oftentimes it’s because I’m resisting grieving or not acknowledging how much I miss Greg, my late husband, and fighting to suppress the grief that is there. 

I can also judge myself for having grief – not a good thing to do – it is normal to grieve when someone dies. Grief is healing when one approaches it from the right perspective. It’s a natural and God-given gift to mourn the loss of someone we loved deeply. It’s not something to be afraid of or to avoid, because it is the tool God gave us to heal the separation and wound that’s created when we lose a loved one. It doesn’t invalidate anything about you or your loved one, it simply allows you the space to heal your heart and body.

God loves widows/widowers. He is right there for us if we allow Him to help us. One of my other Orthodox widow friends and I agreed that with the loss of our spouses, our hearts were broken so we could find God more deeply in our hearts. When we allowed the grief to surface so we could experience it, then it moves through us and our hearts and bodies can heal. The energy of grief gets trapped and causes energy blockages if not released. 

Experiencing grief allows you to move the pain so it doesn’t get trapped in your body and psyche. We then need to call on God to help us with the pain of the grief and the void we can feel that our loved ones once held. God has loved me so intensely since I lost Greg. He loves you too. He has become my new spouse. After I have allowed myself to feel the pain of my loss, and the moment I run to Him in that pain, He lifts the pain! Joy returns! I feel at peace. Grieving doesn’t mean you’re not staying positive either, rather that you’re staying in the moment – the present moment. One way or the other we have to feel the pain of our loss and let it move through us. Otherwise, it can cause pain and sickness in our bodies.

Try it – allow yourself to grieve and cry – asking Christ to help you get through it and he will! He really will! You will be able to sleep better. You won’t lose yourself, but find yourself newly in Christ. Christ wept when Lazarus died – He too grieved the loss of his friend – and then raised him from the dead! He will raise up out of our sorrow – but we do need to weep to be reborn. 

May those of you that are grieving find comfort in the Lord and return to joy,

Veronica Hughes

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