Category Archives: spiritual choices

Sensual Judgment and Curiosity, the Robbers of Our Communion with God and Inner Stillness, airing March 2015


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Sensual Judgment and Curiosity

The Robbers of Our Communion with God and Inner Stillness

“Try to be free of curiosity, for it can defile stillness as nothing else can.” St. John Climacus

In this podcast Veronica examines the sensual aspect of our fallen nature and how our physical senses and curious tendencies can entice and entrap our souls robbing us of our stillness and relationship with God.

‘Have mercy on me O God, have mercy on me.’ If we were still in paradise, what would be most natural for us would be to turn our minds and hearts towards our Creator, but here we are in the fallen world.

Least we should be lulled to sleep by the world and its temptations, Lent serves to remind us, ‘We are fallen.’ We are being mislead, but by what? ‘How, dear Lord can we be lead astray so often?’ How is it that we continually put distance between God and ourselves – all the while thinking, ‘There is nothing amiss. Everything is fine.’

My research for this podcast started with the term ‘sensual judgment’ used by St. Nicholai Velomirovic in a passage in The Prologue. I pondered its meaning for a few moments. ‘Sensual judgment’ was a show-stopper for me. I had never thought of judgment being in relationship with sensuality or being based upon sensual perceptions. The more I pondered the deeper meaning of ‘sensual judgment’ – the more I thought the term so accurate.

I recalled when I was seeped in the New Age and Eastern religions I thought how I felt and what I perceived through my senses, including my ‘sixth sense’, was an accurate perception of reality.

However, when I became Orthodox I realized I had been trapped in my sensual perceptions and far, far away from true spiritual discernment. I was in a state of ‘sensual judgment’, for I was using what my senses perceived as my measuring stick for reality, my means of judging what was good. If it felt good – then it must be good – right? Wrong! This was a life changing understanding for me.

What about now? Am I still under to dominion of my senses. Yes! Perhaps I am less captured, but an onion has many layers… So let’s take a good look at this onion called ‘sensual judgment’ and how our senses, fueled by curiosity, imagination and self-will can lead us astray rob us of our communication with God and our inner stillness.

Here is what St. Nicholai has to say about the milk of sensual judgment and the gradualness of spiritual development:

“For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, we have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For everyone that uses milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongs to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” (Hebrews 6:12–14)

Those who are fed on the milk of sensual judgment cannot easily differentiate between good and evil. They generally come to the conclusion that all faiths are of equal value, that sin is the indispensable shadow of virtue and that evil is a necessary companion of good.

A true Christian cannot come to these utterly mistaken conclusions. For a true Christian is a mature man, who does not feed on milk, who is distrustful of sensuality, who has a finer judgment and makes a finer distinction between the value of the enduring and transient. To the Christian, surely, clear guidance is given by the revelation of God to distinguish between good and evil; but he has need of long and serious study to reach perfection, to be able to know in every given situation what is good and what is evil…

St. Nickolai Velomirovic, The Prologue, Jan. 11th

No wonder one Lent is not sufficient to change us! Who has not been raised on the milk of sensual judgment? How is it that our senses often run our lives?

For help with these questions I turned to St. Theophan the Recluse and his book, The Path of Salvation.  What follows are instructions St. Theophan is giving to parents for raising their children to be the master of their passions. How I wish my parents had read this book!

St. Theophan:

It is impossible not to use the senses, for it is only through them that one may note the things one must know for the glory of God and for our own good. But in doing this it is impossible to avoid curiosity, which is an irresistible inclination to see and hear without purpose–what is being done where, and how things are… Curiosity consists of trying to know everything without order, without aim, without distinguishing whether it is needful or not.

…curiosity, which is an irresistible inclination to see and hear without purpose – what a shocker this was to me! I thought curiosity was a good thing. Here is my first example of how sensual judgment has misdirected me. Curiosity is not a ‘good’ thing. Curiosity is a distraction and the dictionary definitions of curiosity back this up as you will see…

Definitions for curiosity:

1) A desire to learn or to know. (this desire must be directed and have a purpose according to St. Theophan

2) The desire to know about matters of no concern to one; nosiness.

3) Something novel or extraordinary that arouses interest.

The last two definitions brought to my mind gossip and the arousal of my passions in unhealthy ways.

My husband and I were discussing how pernicious unstructured curiosity is.

Here are a few examples we thought of in our own experience about this:

The distraction of computers and other devices like our cell phones – how we are going from site to site or video game or other games. Channel surfing and watching too much TV – we are curious about the previews of movies or TV shows

These are all things the Church asks us to moderate or abandon during Lent – for good reason. We thought of all the time we have wasted in our life with these distractions, which means that time could have been given to God or others we love.

 

How many of us suffer from distraction during our prayers? Here St. Theophan is explaining the reason why. Curiosity leads to imagination and fantasy. I can see how I just follow my thoughts during prayers. I am curious and attracted by them and off I go…. 5 min. later I ask myself, ‘Where have I been?’ How many wasted moments has curiosity bought me?

Back to St. Theophan

One who is unable to master the senses and imagination will inevitably be distracted…being overcome by curiosity, which will chase him from one subject to another until he is exhausted and all this without fruit.

What the senses do is to see, to hear, to feel–in general to experience, to test. This is why our senses are the first rousers of curiosity, which later, because of them, goes over into the imagination and memory and, having acquired a seed in them, becomes an unconquerable tyrant for the soul.

Great Lent is our opportunity to turn the tables on this so-called tyrant of our soul, our senses. How do we do this?

Back to St. Theophan:

When man was in union with God, he found delight in divine and sacred things by the grace of God. After his fall he lost this taste and thirsted for what is sensual. The grace of baptism has removed this, but sensuality is again ready to fill the heart. One must not allow this; one must guard the heart.

The most effective means for the education of the true taste in the heart is a church–centered life… sympathy for everything sacred, pleasure in remaining in the midst for the sake of quietness and warmth, separation from what is bright and attractive and worldly vanity…

A soul that has been calmed and ordered in this way will not, in accordance with its natural disorderliness, hinder the development of the Spirit. This is a person who is committed to …having unfailingly in mind not to ignite the passion for sensual enjoyments, and to train one to deny oneself.

Thus here is more validation for the need of our fasting periods. We are fasting not just from food, but, from the indulgence of our senses, curiosity and imagination. If we want to be that spiritually mature man that St. Nickolai referred to, who has true spiritual discernment we need to learn to control the sensual aspect of our fallen nature. No wonder Lent is so challenging!

In conclusion here is what both St. Theophan and St. Nicholai have to say to encourage us to ‘fight the good fight’ this Lent…

…The beginning of a Christian life in a man is a kind of re-creation, an endowing of new powers, of new life… This seed of life (the resolution one makes to live a Christian life) is not surrounded by elements favorable to him. And besides this, the whole man–his body and soul–remain unadapted to the new life, unsubmissive to the yoke of Christ. Therefore from this moment begins in a man a labor of sweat–a labor to educate his whole self, all his faculties, according to the Christian standard.

Back to St. Nicholai to complete what he started…

Let us strive, my brethren, each day and each hour, to refine our hearts, that they may be able at all times to differentiate between good and evil…

O Lord, Thou lover of mankind, warm our hearts with the good that is from Thee. Bring us to our senses, Lord, that we may learn to distinguish good from evil. Strengthen us, O Master, that we may always cleave to good and cast away evil, to Thy glory and our salvation. To Thee be glory and praise forever. Amen.

Amen! Thank you St. Nicholai and St. Theophan!

My next podcast will focus on Inner Stillness – The Fruit of Our Spiritual Labors.

God bless you Lenten struggles!!!

Veronica

O Come, O Come Emanuel…., Part 3 on the Mother of God, The Holy Manifestation of her Virtue, The Incarnation of the Word


The Nativity Icon

The Nativity Icon

Happy Holidays! Blessed Nativity!

“O come, O come Emanuel! Held ransom captive Israel. That mourns in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appears. Rejoice! Rejoice Emanuel shall come to thee O Israel.”

We are awaiting the Incarnation of the Word, as Mary did so many years ago. St. Nickolai Velomirovic will be giving us his inspiring words about the ‘vesture’ the Mother of God wove for herself in preparation for the coming of the Messiah….

“This, the most holy Mother of God, is the King’s daughter. ‘Her clothing is wrought of gold.’ This is the virtue of her soul. That ‘vesture’, is understood as virtue, is clear from the parable of the marriage of the King’s son. The man who was not clad in a wedding garment was driven from the King’s table and punished (Matt. 22:11). True faith in God was the golden clothing of the most holy Virgin, and virginity, meekness, compassion, holiness and prayer, consecration to the will of God and all the other virtues were like embroideries on this golden clothing. All her beauty was the work of Christ the Lord, hidden within her and born of her.

‘Consecration to the will of God’ is what touched my heart in this passage. What could I newly consecrate to God this Christmas? What little corner of my stubborn will could I change and offer to Jesus for all He gave to me?

The soul of each faithful Christian is like the King’s daughter. All the beauty of such a soul is in Christ and of Christ, Who is within the soul. A soul without Christ, the Son of righteousness, is in darkness, with neither form nor comeliness, as the whole universe would be without form and beauty without the physical sun.”

St. Nickolai Velomirovic, The Prologue, October 23

‘The soul of each faithful Christian is like the King’s daughter. All the beauty of such a soul is in Christ and of Christ, Who is within the soul.’ What beautiful words! Dear Mother of God help us and guide us to weave our vesture of virtue and spiritual beauty. Mary struggled all her life for virtue and wove a wonderful garment for her soul. She then brought forth the Sacred Fruit of our salvation. Our struggles for virtue can also bring forth many fruits.

To help us transition with Mary to the Incarnation of the Word I chose a passage from the Life of Mary regarding the icon of the Nativity, which upon closer examination, as interpreted by St. Gregory of Nyssa, can help us enter more deeply into the mystery of the Incarnation:

“The dark background of the nativity icon in the cave can be explained by a homily attributed to St. Gregory of Nyssa, where he compares the Birth of Christ in a cave and the spiritual light shining forth in the shadow of death that encompassed mankind. ‘Thus, the black mouth of the cave symbolically means the world, stricken with sin through man’s fault, in which the ‘Sun of righteousness’ shone forth.

The place where Mary brought forth virginally and painlessly was an empty and uninhabited place. It could be compared to the wilderness, as depicted in the Nativity icon. The world did not accept Him, but the wilderness offered refuge.

Taking refuge as Mary did prior to the birth of Christ, we go into the cave of our heart. There we indwell our prayers and the words, ‘Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me’.

I know keeping our mind on prayer is so hard for many of us this time of year as we draw closer to Christmas. There is so much to do, but as St. Theophan the recluse shared with us in my last podcast: ‘Secret meditation sets our feet on the path of inner prayer, which is the most direct road to salvation. We may leave all else and turn to this work and all will be well. Conversely, if we fulfill all other duties and neglect this one task we shall bear no fruit.’

Our indwelling of prayer welcomes Christ and offers Him a refuge in our hearts – where – by the grace of God – we are waiting for Him to be born. So let us remain faithful in our hearts to the ‘one thing needful’. I know for those of us that are more Martha than Mary – especially as we prepare for Christmas – this is a hard thing to remember. The presents and food are not what is essential.

Back St. Gregory…

It was there, in Bethlehem, the ‘House of Bread’, that the symbol of the Eucharist was given–manna. Now, He who rained manna upon his people, Israel, Himself has become the bread of the Eucharist. The wilderness will also offer the manger where He chose to lie, thereby symbolizing the Lamb upon the altar. The cave, the manger, the swaddling clothes are indications of the emptying or kenosis of the Godhead, His utter abasement and humility.

The emptying or kenosis of the Godhead prefigures our self-emptying in preparation to receive Christ in our hearts this Nativity and whenever we receive His Divine Body and Blood. How blessed we are! What a joy it is to commune with our Lord in so many ways! What a divine communion, what love and grace, what incomparable joy our dear Panagia was blessed to experience carrying our Lord in her womb and then in her arms. May we too experience a little piece of this joy on Nativity!

Let us hear what St. Romanus has written in the voice of the Theotokos expressing the mystery of the incarnation of the Word and how Mary realized that in giving her will to God she not only remained who she was, but became so much more of her true self. May this to be true for us as we offer our humble selves to the Lord:

“Thou art my fruit, Thou art my life: from Thee have I learned that I remain what I was. Thou art my God: for seeing the seal of my virginity unbroken, I proclaim Thee to be the unchangeable Word, now made incarnate. I have known no seed, and I know that Thou art the destroyer of corruption: for I am pure, yet thou hast gone forth from me. As Thou hast found my womb, so Thou hast left it. Therefore, all creation shares in my joy and cries with me: rejoice, thou who art full of Grace.” St. Romanus

Dear Panagia, help us to stay in our hearts in prayer as we await the coming of the Messiah…

“O come, O come Emanuel! Held ransom captive Israel. That mourns in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appears. Rejoice! Rejoice Emanuel shall come to thee O Israel.”

May you have a blessed Christmas!

To honor of this holy season I will be taking a short vacation for the month of January returning to the air and my blog mid-February. For those of you who are new listeners or missed my earlier podcasts – this is a perfect time to catch up!

Thank you so much for tuning in.

God bless you and Happy New Year as well!

In Christ,

Veronica

The Dance Between Temptations and Grace, Part 1


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The Dance Between

Temptations and Grace

Part 1

 

 

“As the Vespers service finished, I reflected on the newly tonsured nuns. They had waited years for this moment. They had struggled and fought temptations, passions, bad thoughts, and here they were at the true beginning of their monastic life. Things would become harder, but also sweeter. There would be periods of grace and periods of difficult temptations, as St. Syncletike herself taught:

‘We put out to sea. At first we sail with a favorable wind, then the sails spread, but later the wind becomes adverse. Then the ship is tossed by the waves and is no longer controlled by the rudder. But then in a little while there is calm, and the tempest dies down, then the ship sails on again. So it is with us, when we are driven by the spirits who are against us, we hold to the Cross as our sail and we can set a safe course’.”

St. Syncletike, “Life and Struggles of Syncletike”

The Scent of Holiness, Lessons from a women’s Monastery, Constantina R. Palmer

My resources for this podcast are:

The Scent of Holiness, Lessons from a Women’s Monastery, by Constantina R. Palmer

Letter 23, The Monastic Wisdom of Elder Joseph

St. Nickolai Velimirovic, The Prologue

Why do temptations and suffering befall us? How I hated and tried my best to overcome suffering in New Age and Eastern religions – to no avail – as many of you might have read in my book, The Pearl of Great Price. Only by the grace of God and Orthodoxy have I come to an understanding with suffering and temptations.

We are Christians following Christ’s example, ‘The way to the Father is through the Son’. If Christ was tempted – so too will we be tempted. If Christ carried His Cross – so too do we have our crosses to bear. It is through our temptations and crosses that we draw and attract the grace of God to us. This Grace of the Holy Spirit refines and purifies our souls, bringing us into refreshment and joy in Christ. This is our regeneration in grace in a nutshell.

Let’s hear what Elder Joseph has to say about the right attitude and preparation to have towards periods of both temptations and grace.

Letter 23, The Monastic Wisdom of Elder Joseph

“Grace always precedes a temptation as if to notify you saying, ‘Prepare yourself and lock your doors.’

When you see comfort in your heart… prepare yourself at once. Don’t say, ‘I have been given rest,’ but load your weapons–tears, fasting, vigils, and prayer–and set sentries on your senses to guard your nous. Ask yourself, ‘I wonder, from where will the battle begin? From the demons? From men? Or from my own nature?’ Don’t get drowsy before the battle trumpet sounds, and during the battle, your struggle and victory will show.

It is when grace is acting within you that you should be afraid. Conversely, when you see temptations and afflictions oppressing you from all sides, you should rejoice. Don’t grieve, don’t grumble, and don’t be despondent. Give courage to yourself, for joy and comfort will come. ‘Be brave, my soul,’ you should say, ‘This is only a temptation, a trial, an affliction. Afterwards you will have peace and joy and grace for many days. Thank you, my dear Christ,’ and you should say, ‘for in mine affliction Thou hast made room for me,’ (Ps. 4:1), and ‘with chastisement hast Thou chastened me,’ (Ps. 117:18) and ‘Thou didst bring my soul out into a place of refreshment.’ (Ps. 65:12)”

This is our striving to be brave and pray, knowing, ‘This too shall pass’.

So what do we do when we have implored and prayed God to remove a trial from us, but it continues… St. Nicholai Velimirovic and St. Paul have a few words of encouragement for us on this matter:

‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’ (II Cor. 12:9)

Christ did not even spare His holy apostles from temptations, and He therefore gave them grace. (Let us take heart – God will give us the grace to endure. Let us have faith in our God, for God is growing our faith in Him through our trails.) When Satan himself began to wreak his malice on the Apostle Paul, Paul prayed that Satan be removed from him. But the Lord replied: ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’ In other words: if you have to suffer at Satan’s hands, My grace is sufficient for your suffering. If you have to struggle with Satan, again My grace is sufficient for you. If you desire to overcome Satan, again My grace is sufficient. Grace is a weapon that can be used for everything. Grace is stronger than all adversaries, all assaults, and all the powers of darkness. Grace is both unconquerable and conquering.

Therefore my brethren, we must pray to God to give us His almighty grace. (So rather than praying for our suffering to end, we are praying for the grace to patiently endure our suffering and have our trails bring us closer to God and others. For if we patiently endure our suffering with Christ in prayer, He will shoulder our burdens and lighten our load.) Grace is God dwelling in us. Grace is the Kingdom of God in us. When God’s grace is within us, then it is day in our souls. And the day means light, knowledge and freedom from fear. (We pray and strive to be faithful and grateful to our Lord for both the good and bad so as to attract His grace to us.)

We cannot ask here on earth, my brethren, for a greater gift from God than divine grace. Should we receive the entire universe as a gift, it would be less than the grace of God.

O most rich Lord, Thou inexhaustible fountain of almighty grace, brake and plow through our hardened hearts by grace, that we may weep before Thy great goodness and our horrendous ingratitude. To Thee be glory and praise forever. Amen. St. Nickolai Velimirovic, The Prologue, May 26

Thank you dear saints for these inspiring words!

In Christ,

Veronica

Podcast on Martyrdom, In support of our persucuted brethren in Christ,


The Holy Macabees

The Holy Macabees

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for My sake.

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for great is your reward in heaven.”

“When the military governor wanted to make Marinus the soldier (commemorated August 7th), an officer, an envious man denounced him as a Christian. The governor gave Marinus three hours to think and choose life or death, to deny Christ or to die. Marinus, hearing the words of his superior, went to the local bishop, Theotechnus, to ask his advice. The bishop took him into the church, stood him before the gospel and then, indicating first the Gospel and then the sword that Marinus was wearing, said to him: ‘Choose, brave man, one of these two: either carry a sword and serve the transient king, being lost eternally at your death, or become a soldier of the King of heaven and lay down your life for His holy name, recorded in this book, and reign with Him in immortal life.’ Marinas at once made up his mind, kissed the Holy Gospel and went out–to go through death to life eternal.”

St. Nicholai Velimirovic, The Prologue, August 8th

This month on OCN we are honoring those being persecuted for Christ’s sake. To help us draw closer to those who have been martyred for the faith in the Middle East I have chosen passages from the Great Synaxaristes of the Orthodox Church about the Holy Maccabean Martyrs, August 1st.

I was deeply moved by their martyrdom and felt their story and the footnote taken from their account gave the essence of the path of Christian martyrdom. Whether thrust upon a Christian or chosen, this footnote pretty much sums up what we, as Christians believe about martyrdom, and our future life in Christ after death. Martyrdom is considered a good death for a Christian.

The Holy Macabees suffered for their faith in 167 BC at the hands of the infamous Antiochos IV Epiphanes. Here is a brief summary of their contest:

First the Holy Priest, Eleazar, 90 years old, was tortured and withstood all attempts to tempt him away from God. Then all 7 sons of Solomone Maccabee, one by one were tortured in front of their mother for their faith. Solomone did not weep, but encouraged her sons in their struggle and contest.

When her last son, 3 years old, remained steadfast and refused to eat meat sacrificed to idols, he was more severely tortured than all his brothers combined and finally thrown into flames. Solomone then threw herself into the flames with her son so as to remain untouched and join her children in life eternal.

What mourning with joy did I feel when I read the full account of their sufferings – as I do when I read about the Christians being persecuted and killed in Iraq and throughout the world. I have the same feelings on Holy Friday. Let us explore further the roots of martyrdom so that we can pray for those being persecuted from the right orientation.

Historical background on the footnote associated with the Holy Macabees:

“The book of Maccabees, the source of their lives, was a series of books relating to events centering around Judas Maccabeus and other heroes and heroines in the Jewish struggle for religious and political freedom. During the third and second centuries before Christ, persecution was unleashed against the Jews by Egyptian and Syrian kings, particularly the infamous Antiochos IV Epiphanes.

These books of the Maccabees have special characteristics not usually seen in the other books of the Old Testament.

  1. These books show martyrdoms as the substitutionary atonement that expiates nation’s sin and purifies the land: “For they, winning admiration not only from men in general, but even from their persecutors, for their manliness and endurance, became the means of the destruction of the tyranny against their nation, having conquered the tyrant by their endurance, and so that by them their country was purified (1 Macc. 1:11).” “And, the nation through them obtained peace, and having renewed the obervance of the law in their country, drove the enemy out of their land (4 Macc. 18:4).”

As with our Lord, His Death became the means for the destruction of tyranny – so too we see here that Christian martyrdom brings about the destruction of the tyrant, the devil working through men. As with our Savior, His voluntary Death was an atonement for our sins. Thus the martyrs’ sacrifice is intimately connected with a deeper spiritual atonement.

God brings good out of all evil. We, with our worldly eyes cannot see the hidden spiritual battles that are being fought in Iraq or other countries where our brethren are being persecuted. We must hope for our brethren. Their blood is not spilled in vain. Our brethren in the Middle East are suffering in the hallowed grounds of our Jewish forefathers and many countless Saints of the Church.

  1. Martyrs are immediately immortal, received by the Patriarchs, and living in God: they believed, “that to God they die not; for, as our forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, they live in God (4 Macc. 7:19).”

We must take consolation in our Lord, Christian martyrs receive crowns of victory and are immediately raised to heaven.

  1. Second Maccebees, especially celebrates the deeds of the martyrs, and that the reposed saints pray for us on earth: “Osias, who had been high priest, a virtuous and good man…prayed for the whole body of the Jews. This being done, in like manner there appeared a man with gray hairs, and exceedingly glorious, who was of a wonderful and excellent majesty. Then Osias answered, saying, “This is a lover of the brethren who prayeth for the people, and for the holy city, to wit, Jeremias the prophet of God. “Thereupon, Jeremias, holding forth his right hand, gave to Judas Maccabeus a sword of gold. And in giving it spake thus: “Take this holy sword, a gift from God, with which thou shalt wound the adversaries (2 Macc. 15:11-16).”

The Church triumphant is in heaven praying for all Christians on earth. We are the Church Militant. We are “fighting the good fight”, each of us in our own arena. Therefore…

  1. The living, too, may also pray and offer sacrifices for the dead: Judas Maccebeus came up to take the bodies of their men that had been slain, in order to give them a proper burial. He soon discovered that idols were hidden under the coats of the dead: thus, God permitted them to be slain. Judas and his men “Betook themselves unto prayer and besought God that the sin committed might wholly be put out of remembrance. Besides that, noble Judas exhorted the people to keep themselves from sin. And when he had made a gathering throughout the company to the sum of two thousand drachms of silver, he sent it to Jerusalem to offer a sin offering. He did therein very well and honestly, in that he was mindful of the resurrection. For if he had not hoped that they that were slain should have risen again, it would have been superfluous and vain to pray for the dead. And also in that he perceived that there was great favor laid up for those that died godly, it was a holy and good thought. Thereupon, he made expiation for the dead that they might be delivered from sin (2 Macc. 12:42-45).”

…the living, too, may also pray and offer sacrifices for the dead: Thereupon, he made expiation for the dead that they might be delivered from sin….

We can raise our prayers to God for His holy ones that have died and are suffering. Our prayers make a difference.

They betook themselves unto prayer and besought God that the sin committed might wholly be put out of remembrance. Some of those who have died may not be free of sin, so let us pray that God accept their sacrifices and suffering in His Name.

We are mindful of the resurrection…. And that there is great favor laid up for those that die godly.

Each of us has a talent we cannot keep hidden with regards to our suffering brethren in Christ and their family members who are worried beyond worry here in the US and other countries for their loved ones in danger.

Pray To God:

Pray for the strengthening of our brothers and sisters in Christ that are being persecuted as Solomone, the mother of 7 children prayed for her sons and supported them through their trials and torments by her prayers.

Pray for those Christians who cannot flee or choose not to flee the persecutions taking place in Iraq, we need to pray for God to give them courage. Let us pray that their hearts stay connected with their Creator, focusing on the life in Christ to come.

Let us pray for their families abroad that they do not lose hope and can bear the cross now thrust upon them in a Christian manner for the salvation of their souls.

For those fleeing, we need to pray for their safe passage and endurance.

Finally, let us not fall into despair and doubt the wisdom of our Creator, but pray. Let us practice what we have been hearing from the saints regarding interior prayer. Let us bring our minds into our hearts when we fall into despair or anger about our brethren in Christ who are suffering. “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me.” Elder Prophoryos says that when we pray the Jesus prayer we are praying for everyone in need.

For those of us who are too sensitive to see the videos or photos, let us refrain from them in order to stay strong in heart for our persecuted ones and their family members.

We are called by God to not hate our enemies, but to pray for them. We are called by God not to harden our hearts in the face of the temptations and trials that assail us.

St. Maximos the Confessor’s life and martyric sufferings were about love. Let us here his moving summation of the path of love:

“ ‘If I have prophecy, and know all the mysteries and all the knowledge, and if I have all the faith, so as to remove mountains from one place to another, but I have not love, I am nothing. And if I dole out all my goods, and if I deliver up my body that I may be turned, but I have not love, I am being profited nothing. Love is long-suffering (1 Cor. 13:2, 3).’

It is in love that the whole of Christian life is summarized and contained. Love is the preference of God to all creatures, even one’s own body. Fraternal charity or love of neighbor, which is opposed to anger and self-love, advances the communal life of the Church. All are equally loved. It is love that unites one with God and divinizes one. He who is perfect in love and has attained the summit of detachment knows no difference between ‘ mine and thine’, between faithful and unfaithful, between slave and free man, or between male and female.’ Having risen up of the tyranny of the passions and looking to nature, in all men, he considers all equally and is disposed equally towards all. For in Christ ‘There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male and female; for ye are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal 3:28).’ ”

Therefore let us go forth and do violence on the passions that well up in us in support of our suffering brethren. This will be the subject of my next podcast. “The Kingdom of Heaven is taken by Violence.” What is the difference between earthly violence and spiritual violence?

Thank you Holy Macabees and all the saints!

In Christ,

Veronica

 

“Enter into thy closet and shut the door.” Matt. 6:6, The first in a Series on Internal Prayer


St. Veronica

 

Internal Prayer

and

Finding One’s Deep Heart

 

 

 

St. Veronica

When I wrote this post it was my name’s day old calendar!

“Those who only hear about spiritual meditation and prayer and have no direct knowledge of it are like a man blind from birth, who hears about the sunshine without ever knowing what it really is.”  St. Dimitri of Rostov

Please join Veronica Hughes, St. Dimitri of Rostov, and Elder Zacharias for the first of several podcasts on the art of prayer and finding one’s deep heart.

Today we will begin our deeper exploration into the art of prayer. Yes, prayer is an art, which like any other art requires diligence and practice for us to master…

My resources for this podcast are:

The Art of Prayer

by Igumen Chariton of Valamo

1. Quoting St. Dimitri of Rostov (1651–1709): one of the most celebrated preachers in the history of the Russian Church. His chief literary work was a great collection of the Lives of the Saints.

2. Remember Thy First Love, Elder Zacharias

So let’s pick up where we left off in our last podcast about levels of knowledge and the way we can deepen our faith, transforming worldly knowledge into spiritual knowledge by following our Lord’s words…

“Enter into thy closet and shut the door” (Matt. 6:6)

“…Those who only hear about spiritual meditation and prayer and have no direct knowledge of it are like a man blind from birth, who hears about the sunshine without ever knowing what it really is. Inner spiritual training begins with the words of Christ, ‘When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret’.(Matt. 6:6)

Man is dual: exterior and interior, flesh and spirit. The outer man is visible, of the flesh; but the inner man is invisible, spiritual– what the Apostle Peter terms… ‘the hidden man of the heart, which is not corruptible,… a meek and quiet spirit’ (1 Pet. 3:4)… the works of the outer man are visible, but those of the inner man are invisible, according to the Psalmist: ‘The inner man and the heart are very deep’…

This is my first mention of what some elders call one’s deep heart – finding Jesus in our heart is one of the primary goals of our prayer life.

Here is what Elder Zacharias says about our finding our heart in Christ:

“…God may well seek man’s heart. But because man uses his freedom wrongly and has become enslaved by so many attachments, God’s grace is prevented from entering man’s heart and dwelling there….”

Part of the purpose of prayer is to draw us away from that first degree of knowledge – worldly attachments and thoughts, then to help us find the strength to turn our will to God and develope a healthy fear of God.

Back to Elder Zacharias

“…And once the fear of God lays hold of our heart, we begin to see how unable we are to pursue a relationship with God.” Veronica again… Why? Until our development of a healthy fear of God moves out of fear of condemnation or punishment and into wanting to please and then love God – there is no possibility for intimacy with God. Intimacy with God is accomplished by means of prayer and love…. Back to Elder Z…

“It is by His grace alone that we are rendered able to pursue a relationship with God… How do we attract the grace of God to help us? Contrition humbles the heart of man and humility opens the heart to receive the Holy Spirit, the grace of the Comforter, which is man’s only true consolation…. (Vs worldly consolation, which is temporary and part of the first degree of knowledge we spoke of in our last 2 podcasts) …the Holy Spirit then provokes man’s heart to contrition… It melts the mountains of impurity that sit upon the heart. It breaks the rocks of the hardness of man’s inner being, and helps him to find his ‘deep heart’.

How might this finding of one’s deep heart come about? So man undergoes a primordial ‘earthquake’ when he suffers such trials as are necessary to teach him that one thing alone is needful–the discovery of his heart.”  And I will add – for in the heart we find God. Elder Zacharias, Remember Thy First Love. 

In continuation of our study about our regeneration by grace, here we see again repeated the necessity of the fear of God – not just for discovering faith, but for finding our heart in Christ, as well as contrition, which melts our heart and makes it receptive to God. When entering our closet to pray, the awareness of both help to focus our minds in our heart.

Back to St. Dimitri…

“Training, then, must be twofold, outer and inner: outer in reading books, inner in thoughts of God; outer in love of wisdom, inner in love of God; outer in words, inner in prayer; outer in keenness of intellect, inner in warmth of spirit; outer in technique, inner in vision…

Both internal and external have a place when used to support our relationship with God vs the acquisition of worldly knowledge. Our strivings for attracting the grace of the Holy Spirit come through acquiring the virtues. St. Seraphim of Sarov said that the Acquisition of the Holy Spirit is the most important striving we must have.

Prayer is likewise twofold, exterior and interior. There is prayer made openly, and there is secret prayer; I will add that the secret prayer most recommended is the Jesus Prayer, ‘Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me.’… prayer with others and solitary prayer; prayer undertaken as a duty and prayers that are voluntarily offered. Prayer as a duty, performed openly according to Church rules, in company with others, has its own times: the Midnight Office, Matins, the Hours, the Liturgy, Vespers and Compline.

Voluntary prayer, which is in secret on the other hand, has no fixed time, being made whenever you wish, without bidding, simply when the spirit moves you… Though I will add that most elders recommend a structure for our inner prayer during specific times of the day to start to develop the practice of unceasing prayer mentioned by St. Paul.

The first kind is performed aloud by the lips and voice, the second only in spirit. Once more I will also add here that many elders recommend beginning our practice of the Jesus Prayer aloud at first. The first is performed standing, the second, not only standing or walking, but also lying down, and in a word, always–whenever you happen to raise your mind to God.

This is very good news for those of us with infirmities or age related challenges. What do we do when we cannot go to Church as often as we would like or stand to do our prayers… we do them however we can and whenever we can. My internal prayer life has replaced my external attendance in Church, which has turned out to be such a blessing!

The first, made in the company with others … but the second is performed when you are alone in the shut closet, according to the word of the Lord.

The closet is twofold, outer and inner, material and spiritual: the material place is of wood or stone, the spiritual closet is the heart or mind…. Therefore the material closet remains always fixed in the same place, but the spiritual one you carry with you and you wherever you go. Wherever a man is, his heart is always with him, so having collected his thoughts inside his heart, he can shut himself in and pray to God in secret, whether he be talking or listening, whether among few people or many… All that is necessary is to raise your mind to God, and descend deep into yourself, and this can be done everywhere… according to the Gospel words of Christ himself: ‘The kingdom of God is within you.’ (Luke 17:21). Explaining this text, St. Markarios of Egypt writes: ‘The heart is a small vessel, but all things are contained in it; God is there, the angels are there, and there also is life in the kingdom, the heavenly cities and the treasures of grace.’

Our new frontier in our regeneration by grace is the discovery of our deep heart! How inspiring!

Man needs to enclose himself in the inner closet of his heart more often than he need go to church: and collecting all his thoughts there, he must place his mind before God, praying to Him in secret with all warmth of spirit and with living faith.”

I want to add that many of us must first do our prayers more externally – those of us that are converts or returning to the Church – for that is where we begin our work in reestablishing our communion with God through confession and Holy Communion. Once a solid foundation of regular church attendance has been formed, the Lord will call us to a deeper level of prayer.

Thank you St. Dimitri and Elder Zacharias! Our next podcast will focus on practical steps to take to anchor our prayer life in the loving union with God.

God bless you!

In Christ,

Veronica

 

 

Faith vs. Knowledge Part 1, Podcast Airing on OCN, July 2nd


" I have lifted up my eyes to the mountain where comes my help. My help comes from the Lord Who made heaven and earth.

Mt Lassen

 

 Faith vs. Knowledge

Part I

Why is it so challenging sometimes to have faith?

What does worldly knowledge

have to do with our lack of faith?

Let’s find out!

 

 

 

 

I am so inspired about our podcast today! When my husband read Homily 52 by St. Isaac the Syrian to me about a year ago I felt as if the Lord had given me an answer to multiple pleas and prayers. I had been struggling for years to understand how to have faith – especially with regards to my health issues and my spiritual life. Reading and re-reading this homily has changed my life!

Wonderful is God in his Saints! Let us begin our study of Faith vs. Knowledge from St. Isaac the Syrian…

“It is well known that knowledge cannot exist without investigation… But faith requires a way of thinking that a single, limpidly pure and simple, far removed from any deviousness or invention of methods… This should be a clear tip off to us that we are not in the right frame of mind, not present to faith when our thinking becomes too complicated, worldly solution oriented and logical. The home of faith is a childlike thought and a simple heart.

Knowledge keeps within the boundaries of nature (St. Isaac is referring to our earthly/scientific nature here) in all its paths; but faith makes its journey above nature. (Faith is part of our spiritual nature.) Knowledge (what we understand in a worldly context) does not allow itself to experience anything that is ruinous to nature (this means anything that is a leap of faith, requires stepping out of what we know and putting our faith in the providence of God), and it keeps far away from it; but faith readily submits itself to this and says, ‘Upon the asp and the basilisk shalt thou tread, and thou shalt trample upon the lion and the dragon.’ Faith is fearless!

Fear accompanies knowledge; but confidence accompanies faith. The more a man journeys in the pathways of knowledge, the more he is shackled by fear and cannot be found worthy of freedom from it; but he who follows faith straightway becomes a free man and a ruler of himself, and as a son of God he freely wields all things with authority…

When I read this for the first time how my heart leapt! Of course we can surmount our earthly sorrows and struggles if we put our faith in Christ! I understood that my fears are based not only on my past, but, in what I have learned in the world to survive, which does not support the life of my spirit.

But knowledge can do nothing without matter. Knowledge is not so bold as to attempt anything that has not been given to nature. How so? The liquid nature of water cannot support upon its back the footsteps of a body; the man who comes too close to fire burns himself; and whosoever should rashly oppose nature in this fashion brings himself into peril… But faith transgresses them with authority, saying: ‘If thou go through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, and the rivers shall not overflow thee.’ Faith has many times worked such things before the eyes of all creation…

Christ walked on water, He and is Saints have healed countless people, Christ fed 5,000 with only a few loaves and fishes, and more… He fed and healed their soul.

If knowledge were given the opportunity to attempt such things, it would in no wise be persuaded. (This is where I hear myself saying, “You cannot do this Veronica because of this and that…. Just what the devil wants me to think and believe, but it is not true. I can choose to not listen to this voice that has spoken to me for years.) For it is by faith that men have entered into the flames and bridle the burning power of the fire, walking unharmed as the midst thereof, and they have trodden upon the back of the sea as on dry land. All these are above nature and opposed to the ways and means of knowledge….

Do you see how faith has shaken the foundations of knowledge and proven it futile in all its ways and laws? Do you see how knowledge keeps within the limits of nature? Do you see how faith passes above nature in traveling on the pathway of its journey? Yes! This is why Christ came to earth!

The ways and means of knowledge governed the world for a little more or less than 5000 years, and man was in no wise able to raise his head from the earth and perceive the power of his Creator. For this was not until our faith shone forth and freed us from the gloom of earthly labors and futile slavery that seeks fruitless distraction.

How much time have I spent in my life with fruitless distractions – to take me away from the pain of my seeming failures or disappointments in life? Am I not ready to focus my mind and heart on something higher? Yes!

There is no knowledge that is not needy, however rich it might be; but heaven and earth cannot contain the treasures of faith. The man whose heart is upheld by the confidence of faith will never be in want; and when he has nothing, by faith he possesses all, as it is written: ‘All things whatever you shall ask in prayer, ye shall receive’, and again, ‘The Lord is at hand, have care for nothing.’”

So let us now go to Elder Joseph, Monastic Wisdom to further help our spiritual understanding of what St. Isaac is saying to us…

Let us return to our starting point on faith, the fear of the Lord….

 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, says the wise Solomon, and the Fathers agree. And I say to you, ‘Blessed and thrice blessed is the man that fears the Lord.’ (Ps.111:1) (When a person truly fears God and has dedicated his life to God – he knows that God is capable of working anything in his life, especially that which is beyond our understanding, for that person trusts and knows God in his heart. He believes that God is greater than his mind. I am still working on this one!)

From this divine fear, faith in God is born. Then a person believes wholeheartedly that since he has completely dedicated himself to God, God intern assumes all solicitude for him… So when this faith takes root, that kind of knowledge is completely abolished which gives rise to doubt about everything, decreases faith, and many times eliminates it (for it has nature on its side, since we were brought up with it). But once faith is victorious after many trials, it turns and gives birth to spiritual knowledge, or rather is given as a gift, which does not oppose faith, but flies with its wings and explores the depths of the mysteries. And these two: faith and knowledge, knowledge and faith, are thence forth inseparable sisters.

Elder Joseph is reminding us that we have many trials to endure for the acquisition of faith – so take courage – our sufferings have a purpose!

If you leave everything to God, behold that you have acquired faith, and certainly, without a doubt, you will have Him as your helper. So even if you are tried 1 million times and Satan tempts you in order to dull your faith, choose death 1 million times and do not comply with human knowledge. And in this manner the door of mysteries will open. Then you will marvel that although you were formerly bound with the chains of human knowledge, now you fly above the earth with divine wings and breathe another air of freedom, which others lack.

Conversely if you see that human knowledge reigns in you, and if at the slightest danger you lose your head in despair, know that you still lack faith. Therefore, you do not yet have all your hope in God, and do not yet trust that He is able to save you from every evil. Take care to correct yourself here, as we have said, so that you are not deprived of such a great good.” Elder Joseph, Monastic Wisdom

May we pray to St. Issac and Elder Joseph to help us learn to surmount our worldly knowledge and acquire faith!

God bless you,

Veronica

Link to the first part of the full text of Homily 52

Ps

All the photographs I post on my blog were taken by either my husband or me. If you would like to see more of our photographs and the wilderness cards we sell go to:

http://www.pearlofgreatpriceorthodox.com/pearl-wilderness-cards_280.html%5B/embed%5D

The first building block of our regeneration by Grace is Love, Podcast 4/2/2014 on OCN


Moon Rise over Mt Lassen from our cabin

Moon Rise over Mt Lassen from our cabin

PODCAST 4/2/14 – ABOUT LOVE

For love is of God and everyone that loves is born of God, and knows God. He that does not love, does not know God, for God is love. (John 4: 7-8)

A summary of my commentary:

The first essential building block in our efforts to be cooperative with God in the process of our transformation by grace is LOVE. We are born in the Spirit when we are received into the Church. We are born into Love. We know from the saints that our conversion in the Spirit begins and ends with love. In order for our conversion in the Spirit, our second baptism, to be an active force in our life, one needs to turn his or her will with love towards God. Unless our will comes into motion and is redirected towards God, there is no conversion. Our will is fickle and not to be trusted unless it is directed towards God with love.

At some point in our life as an adult, we have the opportunity to re-choose and embrace our first baptism. This is where our will comes into play – what gives God permission to help us to heal and transform by His grace is our choice to walk with Him in love in the Church. Our task is to find the way to enter into the light of Christ. Whoever loves Christ and other people truly lives life.

… to those who are being repainted by God’s grace in the divine likeness; when the luminosity of love is added, then it is evident that the image has been fully transformed into the beauty of the likeness. Love alone among the virtues can confer dispassion on the soul, for ‘love is the fulfilling of the law’ (Rom. 13:10) in this way our inner man is renewed day by day through the experience of love and in the perfection of love defines its own fulfillment.

May God be merciful and guide us through our loving cooperation with His will.

In Christ,

Veronica

St. Sinceltike, The Great Synaxaristes, Celebrated Jan 5th

(The sayings of this holy mother, a nun and later abbess of a convent she founded, were written by St. Anthanasius the Great. It is thought that she aided the saint when in exile while he lived in a well for six years.)

“First we must preserve what was revealed by the grace of God: ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they soul, and they neighbor as thyself’ (Lk. 10:17).

These two commandments are the summit of the law, and upon them rests all the fullness of grace. These words are few, but great and continuous is their power because all that is good and beneficial to the soul hangs on these two commandments.

According to the testimony of the divine Paul, ‘ the end of the commandment is love’ (1 Tim 1:5). Whatever useful words have been spoken, according to the grace of the Holy Spirit, they commence with love and they conclude with love. Therefore, salvation is this twofold love. I must, however, add what each of us knows. We must always desire to possess love, which is the greatest virtue of all.”

Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh

We cannot partake deeply in the life of God unless we change profoundly. It is therefore essential that we should go to God in order that He should transform and change us, and that is why, to begin with, we must all become converts. Conversion in Latin and Hebrew means a turn, a change in the direction of things. The Greek word … means a change of mind.

Conversion means that instead of spending our lives looking in all directions, we should follow one direction only. It is a turning away from a great many things that we know are ultimately not good for us. The first impact of conversion is to modify our sense of values: God being at the center of all, everything acquires a new position and a new depth. All that is God’s; all that belongs to Him is positive and real. Everything that is outside of him ultimately has no value or meaning.

But it is not change of mind alone that we can call conversion. We can change our minds and go no further: what must follow is an act of will and unless our will comes into motion and is redirected towards God, there is no conversion; at most there is only an incipient, still dormant and inactive change in us.”

Bishop Nikolai Velimirovic, The Prologue, Jan 29th

Oh my brethren, our will is as elusive as a will-o’-the-wisp; let us not follow it and perish. But let us follow the will of the Lord who loves mankind, who alone knows what is best for us.

Elder Prophyrios, Wounded by Love

“He who loves little, gives little. He who loves more, gives more. And he who loves beyond measure, what has he to give? He gives himself!

Our task is to find the way to enter into the light of Christ…  The essence of the matter is for us to be with Christ; for our soul to wake up and to love Christ and become holy; to abandon herself to divine eros. Thus He too will love us. Then the joy will be inalienable. That is what Christ wants most of all, to fill us with joy, because he is the wellspring of joy….  Whoever loves Christ and other people truly lives life.”

St. Diadochos of Photiki, The Philokalia, #89 

Part II

“…In portraiture, when the full range of colors is added to the outline, the painter captures the likeness of the subject, even down to the smile. Something similar happens to those who are being repainted by God’s grace in the divine likeness; when the luminosity of love is added, then it is evident that the image has been fully transformed into the beauty of the likeness.

Love alone among the virtues can confer dispassion on the soul, for ‘love is the fulfilling of the law’ (Rom. 13:10) in this way our inner man is renewed day by day through the experience of love and in the perfection of love defines its own fulfillment. “

Whatever prompted two people with fibromyalgia to move to a wilderness mountain top?


Image

This is one the exquisite mountains we gaze upon from our mountain home overlooking the “Valley of the Dancing Angels (My husband gave this valley that name. When it is a cloudy day wisps of clouds float and dance in the valley resembling dancing angels.) We moved here in May to retire and deepen our spiritual life. Both my husband and I suffer from fibromyalgia and are following a medical protocol that over time will hopefully reverse most of the chronic and limiting symptoms of this disease. (For info on this protocol read: What your doctor may not tell you about Fibromyalgia, by Dr. Paul St. Amand, 3 edition. Since beginning this protocol a year and a half ago, my husband and I have seen a 50% reduction in our large visible fibro nodules, many of the smaller ones are completely gone!)

In the mean time, while attempting to tame our land, integrate a more consistent prayer regime and prepare for winter, both of us have been pushing the limits of what we can do physically. Whatever possessed me to agree to move here at the age of 60 being disabled?

I look normal until I have to sit or stand for any length of time. Then out comes my portable zero gravity recliner or memory foam pillows! I did experience a grace when we arrived here to help us accomplish our move and get through our initial struggles to settle in. But now that grace has departed.

Moving here has been a blessing and tremendous struggle for me. There were times when I just could not understand how – given my health issues – this is where I would wind up? I would get really angry with God and my husband! Yet in my heart I truly love being here.

Since we moved, I have had repeated meltdowns as my knowledge of what I could deal with came up against my husband’s faith and the fact that we are here, for better or for worse. I had some faith or I would not have agreed to this move, but it was being trampled down by my knowledge of what was reasonable for someone my age and with my health issues. I also have a terrible case of Marthaism, I get caught up in doing too much and forget the one thing needful.

Then, after the worse meltdown yet last Monday, one that I committed never to experience again, in answer to my prayer, ‘Please Lord, help me to understand what has happened to the innocent child/woman within me that wanted to live a life in the world, but not be of the world? What is hardening my heart and causing me such pain and anger? How can I regain my zeal for our task here?’, my husband read this passage and more from Homily 52 by St. Issac the Syrian, Ascetical Homilies of St. Issac the Syrian.

May this reading prove to change your life as much as it changed ours/mine! Knowledge will never be able to answer those questions, but faith will!

Glory to God for all things!

Veronica Hughes

Homily 52, Knowledge vs Faith, by St. Issac the Syrian

The soul that journeys by the pathways of discipline upon the road of faith, and has often made great progress therein, if she returns once more to the ways and means of knowledge, will straightway be crippled in her faith, and will be deprived of the noetic power of faith, which with diverse forms of (divine) assistance manifests itself in a pure soul that unquestionably has recourse to it with simplicity in all her concerns.

For the soul that once and for all has surrendered herself to God in faith, and has received through much experience the taste of His help, will not take thought for herself again, but rather, she is stilled in the awestruck wonder and silence, and has no power to return to the ways and means of her own knowledge and to be engaged in them. And this is so lest, on the contrary, she should be deprived of God’s providence, which secretly shelters her unceasingly, cares for her, and everywhere cleaves to her incessantly. For the soul would be foolish to suppose herself sufficient to provide for herself on the strength of her own knowledge.

Those upon whom the light of faith has dawned are no longer so audacious as to pray for themselves; nor do they entreat God, saying, ‘Give this to us’, or ‘Take that from us.’; nor do they in any wise care for themselves. For every moment, with the noetic eyes of faith, they see the fatherly providence which comes from the true Father to shelter them: He Who in His great and immeasurable love surpasses all in fraternal affection and Who, more than all, has the power and might help us exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask, or think, or conceive.

For knowledge as opposed to faith; and faith, in all that pertains to it, is the breaking of the laws of knowledge (we do not, however, speak here of spiritual knowledge). For such is the definition of knowledge–that without investigation and examination it has no authority to do anything, but it must investigate whether that which it considers and desires as possible. But as to faith, what shall we say? If yes and no approach it at the same time, it will not be persuaded to remain in such a position.

It is well known that knowledge cannot exist without investigation and the employment of its means of operations; and this is a sign of hesitation regarding truth. But faith requires a way of thinking that a single, limpidly pure and simple, far removed from any deviousness or invention of methods. See how faith and knowledge are opposed to one another! The home of faith is a childlike thought and a simple heart. ‘ In the simplicity of their hearts,’ it says, ‘they glorified God.’ And, ‘Except ye be converted and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of the heavens.’ But knowledge conspires against and opposes both these qualities.

Knowledge keeps within the boundaries of nature in all its paths; but faith makes its journey above nature. Knowledge does not allow itself to experience anything that is ruinous to nature, and it keeps far away from it; but faith readily submits itself to this and says, ‘Upon the asp and the basilisk shalt thou tread, and thou shalt trample upon the lion and the dragon.’ Fear accompanies knowledge; but confidence accompanies faith. The more a man journeys in the pathways of knowledge, the more he is shackled by fear and cannot be found worthy of freedom from it; but he who follows faith straightway becomes a free man and a ruler of himself, and as a son of God he freely wields all things with authority. The man who has found the keys of faith weilds all the natures of creation you can as God; for by faith comes the authority, after the likeness of God, to create a new creation.  ‘ Thou didst so well,’ it says, ‘and all things were present before Thee.’ And oftentimes, out of things that are not, faith can do all things.

But knowledge can do nothing without matter. Knowledge is not so bold as to attempt anything that has not been given to nature. How so? The liquid nature of water cannot support upon its back the footsteps of a body; the man who comes too close to fire burns himself; and whosoever should rashly oppose nature in this fashion brings himself into peril.

Knowledge watchfully guards itself from such things and will in no wise be persuaded to overstep their boundaries. But faith transgresses them with authority, saying: ‘If thou go through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, and the rivers shall not overflow thee.’ Faith has many times worked such things before the eyes of all creation. If knowledge were given the opportunity to attempt such things, it would in no wise be persuaded. For it is by faith that men have entered into the flames and bridle the burning power of the fire, walking unharmed as the midst thereof, and they have trodden upon the back of the sea as on dry land. All these are above nature and opposed to the ways and means of knowledge.

Do you see how faith has shaken the foundations of knowledge and proven it futile in all its ways and laws? Do you see how knowledge keeps within the limits of nature? Do you see how faith passes above nature in traveling on the pathway of its journey? The ways and means of knowledge governed the world for a little more or less than 5000 years, and man was in no wise able to raise his head from the earth and perceive the power of his Creator. For this was not until our faith shone forth and freed us from the gloom of earthly labors and futile slavery that seeks fruitless distraction. And now we have reached the unfathomable sea and the unfailing treasure, we desire once again to turn aside to miserable little brooks. There is no knowledge that is not needy, however rich it might be; but heaven and earth cannot contain the treasures of faith. The man whose heart is upheld by the confidence of faith will never be in want; and when he has nothing, by faith he possesses all, as it is written: ‘All things whatever you shall ask in prayer, ye shall receive’, and again, ‘The Lord is at hand, have care for nothing.’

Knowledge always seeks means to safeguard those who have acquired it. But what says faith?  ‘Except the Lord build the house and guard the city, in vain does he labor that buildeth it and watch that guardeth her.’ The man who takes refuge in faith never employs or is engaged in ways and means. For knowledge everywhere sings the praises of fear, as the man said, ‘He that feareth in his heart is blessed.’ But what says faith? ‘He was afraid and began to sink’; and again, ‘For ye have not received the spirit of bondage unto fear, but you have received the Spirit of Sonship unto the freedom of faith and trust in God; and again, ‘Fear then not, nor flee from before their face.’

Fear is always followed by doubt; doubt, by investigation; investigation, by ways and means; and ways and means, by knowledge. And in examination and investigation, fear and doubt are always made known–for knowledge does not always succeed everywhere, as we showed in the beginning. Often calamities, grievous adversities, and many occurrences filled with peril befall the soul, wherein knowledge and the devices of wisdom are utterly unable to provide help against these difficulties that defy the whole power and limit of human knowledge. But faith is never vanquished by anything. For what help can human knowledge offer in open conflicts or in war against invisible beings, against incorporeal powers, and many other things of this kind?

Do you see the feebleness of the power of knowledge and the strength of the power of faith? Knowledge prevents its disciples from approaching anything alien to nature. But see here the power of faith and what it commands its pupils: ‘In My Name,’ it says, ‘ye shall cast out demons, take up serpents, and if ye drink poison, it shall not hurt you.’

Knowledge enjoins all who journey in its path to investigate according to its laws, the end of anything before making a beginning, and thus to commence; lest the end of the thing proves unachievable by the limit of human ability, and labor be spent in vain, and lest the thing proved difficult and impossible to realize. But what says faith? ‘All things are possible to him that believeth,’ for to God nothing is impossible. O unspeakable wealth, O ocean rich in its billows and its marvelous treasures and mighty floods of power of faith! How filled with boldness, how replete with sweetness and hope is the journey accompanied by faith! How light our faith’s burdens, how sweet its labors!

Now and then….


IMG_0104

I am writing my sequel to the Pearl of Great Price – hopefully I will not need 9 drafts and 6 years to finish my sequel! I am amazed that when I am writing a book , I will be living similar experiences in the present that mirror what I was going through years prior that are the subject of my writing. My new book is about my struggles to reconcile my past in the light of my baptism as an Orthodox Christian, find Christ in my heart and become more deeply Eastern Orthodox in terms of my world view.

Fifteen years have past since that time. My husband and I recently moved to our home and land overlooking the “Valley of the Dancing Angels (My husband gave this valley that name. When it is a cloudy day wisps of clouds float and dance in the valley resembling dancing angels.) We felt called to be here to deepen our spiritual life and experience as Orthodox Christians. What I am struggling with now is quite similar, yet different, to what I grappled with in my early years in Orthodoxy,  Our spiritual challenges here are helping me to remember who I was back then.

Now as then, I am in a new environment. Then we moved back to San Francisco, my home town. I had not lived there for 25 years. While our land is not unknown to me, for we have spent many weekends here over the nine years it took for us to build our home, living here is quite different from visiting.

Then as now I feel my soul’s salvation close the the heart of my motivations for moving. I know a lot more about Orthodoxy now than I did in 1997-99, but for all I know, I feel as if I have begun newly to view who I am and what I am doing in the light of Christ. I feel quite humbled by the task of truly being an Orthodox Christian. I am now 60 years old. Then I was 45. Then I was literally going through the ‘change of life’. Now I am looking at what will I do with the rest of my life?

In the stillness of the wilderness, having more time to devote to our prayer life, what is it that really matters in life? I can see how far I have to go and as most saints have said as they approached their death – they had hardly begun to live in Christ! Moving here required a huge leap of faith on my part.

I am so glad we are here now – as I was in 1997 when beginning our new life in Christ. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to focus more of my attention on my prayer life and writing in the quite and stillness of the years of prayers that have made this mountain holy. Even if I cannot attend church due to my physical limitations as often as I would like, God is more closely with us here. May I make good use of the gifts given to me O Lord!

In Christ,

Veronica

Somewhere over the Rainbow…..


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An early summer rainstorm and double rainbow seen from the deck of our new residence, a small home my husband has been building for 9 years on our property overlooking the “Valley of the Dancing Angels (My husband gave this valley that name. When it is a cloudy day wisps of clouds float and dance in the valley resembling dancing angels.)

It has taken us a few months to get somewhat settled in our mountain home. This is where I wrote most of my first book, The Pearl of Great Price. I knew moving here would be challenging on all levels and it has! I was more attached to my life and family in the Bay Area as well as our former our parish than I realized after making the commitment to retire here.  My roots run deep in San Francisco history (wrote about this in the first chapter of my book) and I found before and after our move a deep sense of grief welling up in me at times. I did not want to whine or complain, for what a miracle and privilege it is to be living here thanks to the support of many, yet that is partially how the spiritual attach started about a week after we moved.

A very unseasonable hot spell of 104-107 degrees for several days descended upon us after only two weeks here. We did not yet even have all our hard wired fans in (we are off grid and most of our home is run on DC power with occasional AC for charging things, running our phone and internet connection). We have no land lines or electricity lines on the mountain.  Little things we all take for granted in our normal modern day lives that we did not yet or would not ever have here combined with the heat and how long it takes to sometimes install or get things to work up here added to my frustration. I am too old to be going through this! (I am only 60.)

After 4 days and of course on the Saturday night before Liturgy the next morning – I was ready to jump in the car and run to an air conditioned hotel. The only problem was that it was an hour away and due to my disabilities – I cannot drive that far! I was beside myself.

Our neighbors then told us that summer is the hardest time to live up here due to the heat and desert like feeling of the land during the height of the season. Then what I feared the most happened- my propensity in intense situations to have emotional melt downs, which lead to wanting to escape or run away.  I felt like a caged, enraged animal! Lord have mercy!

Thank God for the saints, confession, Holy Communion, tearful prayers and solar swamp coolers! The combined defensive attack allowed me to I realize that I could give not any room for complaining/whining thoughts – period. “So what if the swamp cooler was not yet installed, so what if you are hot, so is everyone else here Veronica and most have less than you do! Be grateful, pray and take lots of cool showers – you will survive this! Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.”

Since then I have been coming to peace with being here on this holy mountain (we live near a monastery). Greg finally finished installing our first mini swam cooler after the worst of the hot spell – of course – but thank God! The air in our room thanks to the swamp cooler reminds me of the feeling of fog in the air – of my home. Who would have thought! Life here is not perfect, but is is the closest thing to Heaven if I can just remain grateful and prayerful. Glory to God for all things! Stay tuned – I am finally able to write again now that this first spiritual hurdle has been jumped.

In Christ,

Veronica